No, He's Lutheran

Since I am on a role, here is another Great Quotes story.

Last week, sitting in the band room at the highschool, I heard Wendy talking to her friends about her ex-boyfriend and their incompatibility. (For those who don't know, she is a geology major at University of Nebraska - Lincoln, studying to be a paleontologist.) She was giving an example, "he thinks the dinosaurs died in Noah's flood." One of her friends asked, "oh, is he... slow?" "No," she paused, thinking of how best to put it, "he's Lutheran."

Rolling With Laughter

(Original Post)

The Infamous Chicken Dinner Story

In honor of my parents' 24th wedding anniversary, a story that shows us how much they still love each other, maybe even a little too much.... A Great Quotes story.

It was a regular family dinner, senior year of highschool. We all sat around the table, Mommy, Daddy, Wendy, Katrina - who was 11ish, Suse and me. Daddy, as usual had made dinner, chicken breasts w/ some sort of side dishes. Mommy was sitting at the end of the table just poking her chicken with her fork. Daddy says to her, "What's wrong, why aren't you eating? I worked really hard to make this nice chicken dinner for you and you're not eating!" Mommy, resting her fork on her table, replied, "I'm too tired to eat, I want something I can just stick in my mouth." To which Daddy responded, "I'll give you something to stick in your mouth."!
Suse's jaw dropped to the table, I got up and left the room, my appetite suddenly gone, Mommy yelled, "Tim" and smacked his arm, Katrina said, "I don't get it".

Uncomfortable

(Original Post)

Do You Have Any 15s?

She's back!!! After a few months running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I have returned to update some stories. Thank you to my fans who made known their disappointment at the sorry state of my updating.

In honor of the 4th of July holiday, I present to you a Great Quotes story.

Normally, on great fireworks holidays such as the 4th of July and Waterfrolicks, we go to the display as a family, toting along fresh popped popcorn, a frisbee, a deck of cards, 2 lawn chairs and a blanket. We pick out a nice spot, set-up, and begin amusing ourselves until it's time for the fireworks. One year, when Katrina was about 5 or 6, I sat down with her on the blanket and took out the deck of cards. "Do you want to play Go-Fish?" I asked. "No," she replied, "I don't know how. Can we play cribbage?" !!!!

Confused

(Original Post)

Stain, Get Out!

I was naughty again and forgot to write - actually I have been very sick and it's finals time. But I won't disappoint my readers! - A Great Quotes story.

One day, when I was not so young (like this year), I got spaghetti sauce on my new sweatshirt at dinner. I was quite upset by this and called for Mommy to help.

Mommy, being well experienced in the trials and torments of laundry, owns several pre-treating products. Most people are familiar with Shout spray from the commercials. Mommy also had a Tide product called Kick which you rub on the stain. So she told me to Shout and Kick the sweatshirt in order to get the stain out.

Me, in all my smart-ass glory, proceeded to remove my sweatshirt, hold it out at arms length and yell very loudly, directly at it, "Stain, Get Out!". Then I kicked the sweatshirt several times with my foot.

Mommy dropped to her knees laughing, tears streaming down her face. It was wonderful!

Dorky

(Original Post)

"Hey, You Footed Me"

As promised, another story to make up for yesterday. This one isn't exactly from childhood, but it is a classic. A Suse Story

Senior year of high school my family hosted a wonderful exchange student named Suse. The epitome of Deutschland, she had rosy round cheeks, blue eyes and blond hair - everything but the German accent. Everyone loved Suse, and with good reason too, besides being absolutely adorable, she was also smart, cute and innocent. Every day our little group ate lunch together at the same table in the cafeteria.

Now, they say english is a tricky language to learn, and I believe them, Suse demonstrated it first hand. You know how when someone hits you with their elbow you say they "elbowed" you. Or if you hit someone with your knee, you "kneed" them. Well, Suse thought that this must be correct for all body parts. Once I kicked her and she said, "hey you footed me."
It didn't take long to realize this misunderstanding could be very amusing. So at lunch, as we all sat eating, I would sit and poke Suse's arm. She would try ignoring it, going on with her conversation...but finally she couldn't take anymore. She swatted my arm away yelling as loud as she could, "Stop fingering me!"
(Talk about getting people's attention)

(Originally posted April 20, 2003.)

Confused

Bombs

Todays subtitle: Great Quotes and the Stories that Spawned Them

"When I was little, I used to make bombs." I would take the shrapnel pieces from my model cars, (the extra parts, the little bits of plastic that held the pieces together in the box, etc) and put them inside balloons. Then I would blow the balloons up nice and big and, in good 'older sister' fashion, throw them in my sister's room. Then I took a long stick (the wand from the mini-blinds that were in my bedroom) with a pin taped on the end. This way I could stand in the hall yet still "blow up" the bomb by popping the balloon with the pin.
Don't worry - I got my desserts. One time I was blowing up the balloon after I had put all the pieces in it, and it popped in my face - BOOOM!!! The little plastic pieces (and scraps of the balloon) flew all over, hitting me in the face. I got several cuts on my cheeks and arms. That was the end of making bombs.

(Originally posted April 12, 2003.)