Wednesday, May 14, 2003

My Pet Parrot

A Great Quotes story. "I Don't Have any F***ing Crackers!"

I have a parrot. It's an imaginary parrot. He likes crackers. I never have any crackers. Now, you may be wondering how I came into possession of an imaginary parrot, so I will explain.

One day I sat eating lunch in the MDR with my usual cohorts, when I happened to not have a clean fork for my fruit. Being the lazy person I am, I chose to eat my honeydew pieces with my knife rather than getting up to get a new utensil. As I stabbed my fruit and pulled it off the knife with my teeth, the comment came up that I resembled a pirate. One of the guys, I think John, reminded us pirates have parrots, and so my parrot appeared on my left shoulder. As I was eating, Parrot kept asking for crackers. Finally I grew sick of his nagging and yelled that I didn't have any crackers (insert expletive where appropriate). Parrot didn't want any melon so I went on eating. Later, when he began squawking about crackers again, I moved my hand toward him, forgetting the knife was in it. I stabbed my poor parrot and he fell to the table! I turned to Ryan, upset I had just murdered my pet parrot. Ryan assured me it was ok and comforted me by telling me he was in a better place now. "What could be better than my shoulder?" I asked. "Your other shoulder!" he exclaimed. And thus, Parrot was reborn on my right shoulder. Now he helps keep the left shoulder little devil from beating up the little angel on my right shoulder. But he still asks for crackers a lot and I don't have any f**ing crackers!


(Original Post)

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