Sometimes You Wake Up Going, wtv?

I often have crazy dreams, but this was one was so bizarre and hilarious, I have to share.  I’d love to write it out as a story, but it would wind up being a novel (and not a very good one).

I was woken by a phone call. @JackGibson had gotten himself into trouble and I was needed to investigate the situation and represent him in any legal issue if necessary.  Begrudgingly, I rolled out of bed and showed up at some hotel banquet room where Mommy, Munchkinhead, some people from church who had just been to wedding with us in real life, and a host of other people were getting brunch from a long buffet.

I was annoyed because I was still wearing my leopard print satin pajamas and didn’t have my hair done or any makeup on, and I was out in public!  I found Munchkinehad, who was at the scrambled eggs in the buffet line behind Mommy and explained the call I’d received. 

I guess Munchkinhead was like my super hero sidekick or something because the next thing I new, we were cruising down the highway in an SUV with @JackGibson either on the phone or in the backseat.  We were discussing what had happened.  Apparently, we were all at this big ski resort and there’d been some giant concert and during the concert Jack somehow managed to cause a massive accident that involved equipment falling all over the place, on the scale of a Fraggle knocking down a Doozer construction site.

Munkinhead and I went to a small house that was a special research building.  It had internet, computer stations and some sort of other materials.  Munchkinhead and I were the only ones in it.  She was in the computer room looking up some things for our research.  I was sitting on the old carpet floor in the dimly lit main room typing into my laptop.  It was dusk.  Something moved out of the corner of my eye. There was an item lying on the floor.  It seemed to keep changing shape.  I was like, “that looks like it could be a snake.”  And then it turned into a garden snake. 

I yelled for Munchkinhead, “We have to get out of here!”  I was convinced the thing was a polymorph, like in Red Dwarf.  Munchkinhead and I gathered up our stuff and ran for the SUV parked in the lot outside, yelling to each other about the polymorph the whole way.

We drove off.  I called @JackGibson, thinking we’d escaped, and told him what we’d learned while I drove.  The ski lodge had settled with everyone for $50,000 but we didn’t know if the lodge would now try to recover that from him.  While I was talking, creatures started appearing in the car. Creepy crawlies and things.  “Oh no! Those aren’t polymorphs!” 

Munchkinhead and I rolled the windows down part-way and started grabbing the crazy things and throwing them out the window.  A black velcro-stick on light appeared stuck to the side of the car ceiling right by my head.  It was on and very bright. I  yanked it off, while driving, and threw it out the window.  Another appeared just behind where that one’d been; I yanked it off and threw it out the window.  And another, and another, until I could no longer reach far enough back to grab them.  All this time, Munchkinhead was throwing tarantulas and giant centipedes out her window.

Somehow, we made it to the house where we were staying.  Once again, we thought we were safe.  We were in the living room, working on our laptops, trying to figure out what would happen to Jack.  Another tarantula showed up, and another.  Tarantulas and other black creepy crawlies started coming in a line from the kitchen.  I got up to investigate.

Standing in the kitchen was a Nigerian witch. A female witch, all decked out in strange voodoo charms.  She was making more creepy crawlies and sending them over the walls of the house.    Apparently, our dad – who was not our real dad, but for some reason was a big black man – had hired her to do black magic on mom because she was leaving him.  She was taking the anger out on us, too.

Through the course of yelling back and forth at the witch, I realized the witch wanted my father and that was part of why she was trying to hurt us.  I yelled at the witch that she could never have my dad, “he’d never like you!  You have no boobs!” I yelled at her. – Yeah, I have no idea what that was about.

Then our dad – this big black man who was our dad in the dream, not our real dad – showed up at the door.  He told the witch he didn’t want her doing magic on us; he was only mad at mom, not us.  She became hysterical and there was all this smoke and … I have no idea what happened next.

The only other thing I remember after that was sitting at a conference table with Munchkinhead and Jack going over the big accident he caused.