They Said What!?!

When someone makes disparaging remarks about you, it can hurt, a lot. I think you should give some consideration to critical comments, much more to those coming from close friends who know you well. But you have to take what anyone says and think about it for yourself.

When my closest friends or my family tell me about things that get on their nerves, or about things for which they have a different viewpoint, it matters to me. I consider it heavily. Most of the time, they're onto something. These are the types of comments that help us to grow: comments from people who care enough about us to want us to become better. These are the people for whom I can turn around and do the same.

When these types of comments come from someone who barely knows me, things are a little different. Yes, I still believe these remarks deserve some consideration, but this is where I really have to step back and ask myself, 'is this who I am?' 'is this how I or others really see me?' And in the case where someone who has met me only once or twice chooses to make assumptions, grandiose conclusions about my judgment and degrading comments about my character to someone other than me, based on a single event - well, that is so frustrating, I'm not even sure I have words for it. (Other than 'who do you think you are?!'.) How the person handles whatever situation led to these unfounded conclusions also matters. If the person handles it poorly, then there is even less reason to give the comments credence. A person who makes decisions about my judgment while showing poor judgment on their own part doesn't seem very credible.

Demeaning comments from someone who understands nothing of my experiences cannot and will not define me. It is disheartening that someone would choose to rebuke me, condemning me to the dark corner of whatever image they have created for me, instead of talking to me, but I refuse to be hurt by it any longer. Then I have to think, do I really want someone who is this judgmental in my life anyway?

(Original Post)

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